Mother’s Day Special

By Arsh Azim

Dear Mom,

I don’t know where you are but you still reside in my mind. You’re not
in my heart because you never gave me a feeling of being a mother or
maybe I was too young to feel your presence but you left me at an age
of unconsciousness. When ever I see a 6 year old child, I am pulled
into my past and try to remember how I was at this age. An innocent
child of course, who didn’t even know what departure or being left is.
Who didn’t even have the idea how to differentiate between a mother
and a father. Who couldn’t even realize what would happen after you
leave me. And who didn’t even think what the real meaning of mother
is. Whatever state I am in, right now, you don’t know. I can’t say
that I have forgotten you or something because it’s totally lame to
say such a thing as you’re the one who gave me birth and nourished me
till I was a school going child. You still reside in my mind, in my
soul, in my unconsciousness, in every scenario in which I see a mother
with her child. I don’t miss you because I don’t know how it would
have been if you would’ve lived. But what I always wish is that you
should have been with me at the time when I need a shoulder to cry
upon, at a time when all my friends are with their mothers and I am
with whom so ever I get to be with at that time, and at a time when
all my friends’ mothers meet each other and I have a person whom I
couldn’t even imagine of being my mother. When all my friends talk to
their mothers, I feel numb and blank. I never show but I do. Only then
I call my father who has always given me a feeling of being a mother.
I don’t want you to be in my mind because it pinches me and I don’t
want to know how it feels when relationships end. I don’t have anyone
to wish on Mother’s day and buy a gift for and I have always craved
for you on this day. I know I’m being selfish because I only want you
at the time when I need you but every human being is selfish when it
comes to a mother and you shouldn’t mind this thing. I don’t know how
it feels when one is with his/her mother but I know that what-so-ever
happens to a person, he runs to his mother and just feels the warmth
of her lap. I never got to know how it is when one feels the warmth of
his/her mother’s lap. At night when I sleep, there is no regret of you
being not there. I know I am being harsh right now but that’s how I
feel about you. I don’t know the real meaning of the word MOTHER. I
was asked to write a description on a mother and this is what I wrote
in return – I really didn’t know. I realized it only when my teacher
called me and asked me what I have really written. That’s how you
reside in my mind. You’re in my unconscious and even if I try a
million times to forget you, I simply can’t. You’re still with me, I
don’t know where, but you are!
Here’s the poem that I wrote for you which shows the real face of my
unconsciousness.

“O Mother”
I was a bird, I was a nightingale
I was strong like a whale

Once you were with me all day and night
Now you are far away from my sight

I was small, always with you
Holding your hand, walking with you

When you were near to me
I used to cry for hours, you see

A bag I used to wear was full of books
Leaving behind my personality along with my looks

When I used to cry all night and weep
You would hold my hand and make me sleep

O mother, for years you made me smile
Now when you’ve left me, I am ready to spoil

Still at night I sleep on your arms
But I sleep hesitantly and wake up so warm

O mother! I am not yet old to forget you soon
I still cry for you above the bridge when it’s full moon…

P.S. I love you, Dad.

With Love,

The only daughter whom you left.

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