My Diary's Page

Long Time Ago…

Last night, I was wondering that what was the last time I wrote my journal, an article, or something personal on my blog? It’s been too long and I think I do know the reason but don’t want to think over it. Stopping my hobby of writing is now spoiling me and I better start it again because only then can I look into myself, realize what I am doing and going through and also seek what I miss. I really need to give some time to myself just to know about the difference between right and wrong.

I stopped thinking about what happened in the past for it’s never worth my thoughts. I don’t think about the future because who knows what’s going to happen next. It’s the moment, the present, that’s what I live in. It’s good as well as bad because if I take the present serious, I might lose my own self which I don’t want to. Since the last few months, I stopped being myself and adopted some other role just to walk in the fast society. I don’t want it that way. I want to be me, for back then I was happy at least and never tried to be someone else.

People say, one should grow up and I say that one grows up himself with time so one should not think over this “growing-up” thing or else it will become a trauma. Growing up doesn’t mean to be an adult but mature and good enough to handle self with care.

Long time ago, I used to paint, write, blog, see new places, make people laugh, walk, play, take photos, love the nature, read, watch good things, and what not. I I used to think that I wasn’t alive but I actually was. Now I just work, sleep, eat and again work. This is not how it was supposed to be. I’ve lost the meaning of life, or say, I threw away my life. I don’t play, don’t go out, don’t walk, rarely read, hardly write and don’t like to laugh any more. I am afraid to see new places, I fear being lost in the way, I feel scared among new people, I’ve stopped making friends, I totally left the sports, and I don’t think about myself any more. If this is called growing up then I don’t want to grow up at all because it’s not who I am but what I am made. And what I always hated about humans was being made and wearing masks. I didn’t put on any mask though but whatever it is, I feel suffocated in it. I miss the innocence that I had in me, I’ve lost the strength that I was supposed to have just forever, I distracted myself from all the creative things that I adopted for it showed my real self. I miss the colors/paints I used to play with, I miss my sketch books, diaries, photographs and all the collages that I used to make, I miss writing funny notes/letters to my roommates and giving them stupid things just to make them laugh, I miss the credit I used to take for nothing, I miss playing monopoly and winning it with cheating, I miss going out for shopping with my roommates besides that I never really had a passion to shop for girly stuff, I miss the taunts I used to get from people while buying stupid things for myself, I miss the pranks I used to do with strangers and then laugh over it the whole time, I miss the game I used to play the most i.e. basketball and ending up with broken joints every time, I miss the time when I used to plan to buy a bicycle for myself just to have a race with my friends, and on the top of the list, I miss the time I spent with good people around me. I miss being me, I just miss being myself.



7 thoughts on “Long Time Ago…

  1. So touchy and true Arsh. I also miss bygone times when i used to live actually. now life has gone robotic. i don’t like it at all. i really want to and plan to resume my life – the life that is actually a real life. and in long run i wish and pray, i achieve this target of mine. nice work. stirring in a sense.


  2. Yes ! this is true Arsh. The meaning of growing up is exactly what you’v described here. My friends don’t agree with me.One need to change him/herself and that is the part that sucks. I miss the innocence i had once (quite a touchy line).
    when i was in class 10th i used to see an uncle (he was of Brigadier rank , like almost 54 years old) and he used to dance ( coffee mug in his hands) in this stupid way (to hip hop playing on his mp4) in front of us whenever our bus passed his house 😀 that’s living you know. he felt like doing it , he did it and he roared with laughter afterwards and so did all of us. I wish i don’t turn robotic like all others around me. I want to take out my camera and click and flash whenever i want , to whatever age group i belong to and enjoy my life because that’s THE PRESENT.


    1. Very right, my dear. Life shouldn’t be as robotic as it has become and that child inside us must never be killed 🙂 ❤
      Thank you for the comment!


  3. “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” ― Bernard M. Baruch
    This is great that you have a realization of YOURself. People spend their lives doing things what THEY actually don’t want to do. Be yourself, if you feel alien in a company that surrounds you, leave them.


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