My Diary's Page

Just those Misleading Ways

We are stuck, in this world and everywhere else. We try to be independent yet we can’t live alone. We rely on others just unintentionally. We don’t want to be controlled, run away from it, and yet get controlled somehow. We are humans who are just trying to be nice with everyone and then there are those others for whom the nice ones are the prey. No, they don’t do it intentionally. That’s how they’re born so why to complain? The same people teach you, isn’t it so?

Yes, we make mistakes. We get upset, we’re down sometimes, we want to be alone, or sometimes get into the worst crowds just to get into a messy adventure and feel the pain, but in the end, we are humans and realize that we’ve been doing all this in a real wrong way. We become disloyal to ourselves, the people who gave us birth, the people who kind of loved us but not anymore, the random ones who pass across us, and many others. Oh, we are crazy!

We follow our dreams and then all of a sudden get lost. We lose our ways. Though we tell the world that we’re on the right path and it’s just the sign boards missing, but deep inside, we’re scared to tell them the truth. Yes, we are the ones, the trying to be independent ones who cannot just lose it all. We try to stay strong, but oh well, these volcanoes inside us burst on other planets. You will never find where.

Not all of us get what we wish for. We keep on doing experiments with ourselves and life yet they fail. Remember running away from the Chemistry labs because you didn’t like the teacher? Yes, that’s the same in real life. Not everyone gets the love of a mother, sometimes a father. We crave, sometimes for the ones whom we least expect to have around, but then again, we are being stupid here. Har kisay nu mukammal jahaan nai milda :’) (Translation: Not everyone gets the complete world, ever.)

Dreams shatter, way too easily. Remember dreaming for a bicycle and getting it the next day? No, I am not talking about that. I wish I was, though. Those were beautiful dreams. But with time, we become greedy. We start seeking for more. Let’s say, love? No, we don’t seek love. We just want to be … umm… talked to, all the time? Oh, it hurts not to have anyone around you. I know it, really well. The people who’re around are just not the right ones and I wish we get to know that before getting hurt and telling them everything about the deep us. I WISH.

We are pretty ones, but the unlucky ones too. People admire the beauty that’s outside because they cannot see the filth within us. We’ve nothing left with us, people. We are empty, seeking our aims and keep on losing what we already had once (the peace of mind). “Where have you gone, my love? Where art thou? I am empty.” We cry. Yet nobody listens to those whimpers. All they see is the shining bright eyes and a wide smiled face. YES! And then we ask ourselves, “where is that smile when you’re alone?” Forget it. People ask us every time, “How are you?” but we never are brave enough to answer them the truth, “Not okay. You?” Because then, they’ll call us Maslo’n ki kitaab (the book of problems). Let’s laugh at ourselves, people.

*Takes a deep breath* Guess what? I keep on going back to the same people who hurt me the most. WHY? Am I stupid? No. I just don’t know how to deal with them. Get upset from them? No that’s not my thing. Fight? Never. I’ve never fought for that last bite of my favorite pasta in life, let alone fighting for my self-esteem.

BTW, do we need sisters? I’ve seen the people having them. They always complain. But I’ve seen the ones who don’t have them and they complain too. So is it us, I guess? Oh wait, what are friends for? No, I guess I know this one. To hold your broken strings until you do one single wrong thing and they break them! Oh, we make them sisters at certain points, brothers if the gender is not the same, but they’re after all the same creatures, the ones who can easily hurt you because they’ve your broken strings that you gave them yourself. The mistake is YOURS!

I’ve been writing these long paragraphs because my mind is not in the right place at the moment. But wait, nobody told me that life would be such a mess. This puzzle, this cannot be fixed. For me, no I am not a kind of person who is genius enough to get this mystery resolved. I’ll just keep on ranting about it on social media no matter what the people think. When I don’t judge people, the others don’t have a right to judge me either. But who can stop them? Let them rant about my rantings. Yes, I am sensitive and I’ll take it to heart. I’ll be hurt by you deep inside but on my face, you’ll find a bright passionate smile (as if all my life problems never even existed.)

And no, don’t call this a “drama” because it’s not. And I pray that nobody gets into my shoes. It’s really hard. You might fall right on your face and break your nose. It will ache, of course. No, don’t dare to call me an attention seeker because I am NOT. I am just letting my heart out, fixing myself up. Can you? No. Then shut up! It’s not EASY! I am not asking you for anything. I just expect you to read and forget. In fact, I am not writing here to let the world read what I am going through. I am BORN like this, is it my fault?

Damn it!

Just listen to this song and shut up! Roiyan by Farhan Saeed

Saans chal to rahi thi theek se

Tu ne pathar rakh diye larkhara k giri seenay me

Dard honay laga jeenay me

Maza anay laga peenay me 

(From the Song)


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